Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in tadpolebaby's LiveJournal:

Monday, April 18th, 2005
8:02 pm	Movement strike! You know, the Host eats way too much healthy food. She had yogurt for breakfast and whole wheat spaghetti with bolognese sauce (made with TURKEY.) and a salad for lunch. Then she got snacky and had a bowl of Cheerios with skim milk. What the hell is her problem??? So I decided not to move for a really long time. And she got really worried. And she poked me, but I still didn't move. And she started to freak out. And then the Voice brought her fried chicken and lemon flavored marshmallows.... I haven't stopped moving since. I tell you, it better be fried chicken and marshmallows from here on out. I'm serious! Don't make me come out there! Current Mood: satisfied Current Music: a bunch of stuff by some guy called Beethoven (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 27th, 2005
12:25 pm	Busy busy... The Host was complaining that her belly button had changed shape again the other day. That sounded suspicious to me. The Host says the weirdest stuff. Yesterday, the Host, the Voice, and two other voices went to a place where there was music and singing and it made the Host laugh a lot. I'm not quite sure what was happening, but the word "Spam" came up a lot. No idea what that means. As I said, the Host says the weirdest stuff. Still pretty cramped in here. Considering a move. Host and Voice were cooing over what they kept referring to as "tiny outfits" the other day. Seems like someone called "Grandma" has been having a field day acquiring various articles of very small clothing. Grandma must have a lot of free time. Current Mood: confused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 14th, 2005
11:24 pm	Shrinking? Dude. My house is shrinking. It was all roomy and awesome for a really long time, and now it seems really small and cramped. I've been banging on the walls to try and get through to the landlord about the problem, but nothing really seems to be happening. In an effort to maximize my space, I've inverted myself, which seems to help a little. At least I can stretch my legs a bit now, though the Host seems to get annoyed when I wedge my feet up in her ribs. It's really comfy for me, though, you know? The Host and the Voice went to some class or something the other day where the Host was told to avoid eating sugar because I might get too big. Too big for what? Maybe it isn't my house that's shrinking.... hmm... Host and Voice do a lot of stuff, though. They go to places where people talk all the time. Sometimes, like tonight, they go to a place where there's loud music. It sounds pretty good, though, even if I am hearing it through the pool. The Host laughs a lot, which makes me bounce up and down. Sometimes, I hear other voices making loud sounds and then the Host and the Voice make loud sounds and the other voices stop. I don't understand what the other voices are saying, but they seem to yell mostly the same word over and over. That's pretty weird. Anyway... things are good, except I wish the Host would eat more sugar. She had fudge last week that was absolutely fantastic. Current Mood: concerned (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 26th, 2005
11:56 pm	The Host eats strange things. I can taste what the Host eats now. Today she had bhel puri. It's like rice crispies with salsa in it. That sounds scary, but it was actually pretty good. And spicy! Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: Bollywood movie music (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 24th, 2005
8:19 pm	Raaarrr! Alien! I gave the Host a shout out at her board meeting the other night. Heh. I am now visible from the outside when I move. You should've heard the sound she made when I made a bulge with my elbow and made it go from one side to the other. Secretly, I think she's hoping Lance Henriksen will show up, 'cause I think she fancies him. Host got her glucose test results and the doc said she made it but just barely--by two points. So we have to continue to watch what we eat and when we eat it (not too close to bedtime), and also we have to exercise more. The last has been a little difficult, as the Host has had two big bouts of sickness this month. See, I'm combining the second sinus infection with the puking because the puking was really more of a prologue to the sinus infection. Or a prelude. Or, if you're sick of everyone using Western music analogies to describe these sorts of things, the puking was the taksim and the sinus infection was where the doumbek comes in. Anyway, so the deal is, if the Host had failed her glucose test, she would have to get the three-hour one where you fast and they take your blood three times. So she's pretty pleased about not failing it. She also is convinced that the test results were slightly skewed due to her first bout with sinus infection, so that's why it was so close. Oy. Let her dream. But I am proud--she has been walking. Before she went to Knoxville, she took herself on a hike from 59th Street to Union Square, stopping briefly at 18th Street to shop. After her doc appointment, she walked up to 18th Street again (she is hopelessly addicted to Bed, Bath & Beyond) from Chambers, stopping at 10th Street for a bite to eat. And today, after getting her ribs realigned at the chiropractors, she ventured across Park Slope in the snow for a cup of hot cocoa with a homemade marshmallow in it at The Chocolate Room. Since I am at the point where I can taste what she's eating in the amniotic fluid, I confirm that it was a damn good cup of cocoa. On Monday, we'll have reached 30 weeks together... time certainly flies! I hear that I really only have 10 weeks, more or less, in here to go. I must say, I was originally really bummed about that, but the place is starting to feel kinda small. I suppose we all have to reevaluate our living space at some point. Current Mood: accomplished (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 1st, 2005
11:33 pm	Finally! Well, now there's more pics. They can be found here. It's about bloody time! Not much new in the pool. The Host appears to be sneezing a lot, drinking a lot of water, and seems to become irate whenever she wets herself. I'm a bit surprised that she is even surprised. Tomorrow, she has this big test and she's really nervous about it. Something about drinking a jar of orange syrup. Not sure, really. Well... I better rest up so I'm ready to kick her when she's trying to sleep. It's this little game we play. Current Mood: relieved (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
7:38 pm	Bored bored bored I'm bored. There's nothing to do in here. And nobody even wants to take my picture anymore. This sucks! Worst of all, the Host can't seem to keep her pants up at the level of her navel, so everytime we go outside, I inevitably get a draft. Bah. And... they don't seem at all inclined to scan my latest pictures, even though they said they would. Is this what I have to look forward to? Will I be forgotten and ignored? What is it with these people? I kick the Host in anger, and she merely giggles and pokes me back. The nerve!!! Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Avenue Q AGAIN. Won't they listen to anything else??? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 6th, 2005
1:00 pm	Squirming is the new black Kicking is so passé. I mean, I do it sometimes--I think everyone does. But sometimes it isn't enough. And that's when I find squirming to be more satisfying. I mean, why just kick when you can roll around and do flips? And squish your bony little butt into things? Squirming = teh kewlness Current Mood: squirmy (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
6:44 pm	Who's driving this thing? So, the Host was reading one of her pregnancy manuals the other night and noted that "increasing absent-mindedness" was something to expect during the fifth month of pregnancy. In the hopes that this might be a temporary condition, she flipped ahead and found: Sixth Month: Increasing absent-mindedness Seventh Month: Increasing absent-mindedness Eighth Month: Increasing excitement, increasing anxiety, increasing apprehension, and increasing absent-mindedness and, finally, Ninth Month: More excitement, more anxiety, more apprehension, and more absent-mindedness She is so screwed. In other news, the midwife described me as "energetic" today, after listening to my heartbeat. The Host was patted on the back by both the midwife and the obstetrician for not gaining too much weight, which pleased her. And my anatomy scan came back all normal. The Host also got a container of orange glucose liquid to drink one hour before her next appointment that looks extremely nasty. But we can't prosecute you for that. Also, Grandma has gone apeshit with the buying and making of clothes for me. She and the Host went to a number of places in Pennsylvania over the New Years holiday and the cooing was practically deafening. Grandma has already knitted me over ten hats, which I think may be a little excessive as I only seem to have one head, but it's sweet of her to do it. Even though seeing said hats also provokes deafening cooing... I just don't understand. What exactly is so cute about a "tiny little red and black plaid fleece lumberjack coat"? Pictures of me from 20 weeks and 22 weeks to come! Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004
7:44 pm	Is there no end to these interruptions? Got poked and prodded again today. I slept through the beginning of it, at least. Sucking on my hand after I woke up helped a bit. Apparently, the Host has to go back in two weeks to get my heart looked at because I wouldn't show it to anyone. Ha. Maybe she'll have to spend 3 hours in the waiting room again! Also, they seemed very excited to find out that I'm a girl, whatever that means. I'm sure they'll post embarrassing pictures soon. Current Mood: sleepy (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 3rd, 2004
7:56 pm	Mwahaha... Host went to the doc last week for her alpha-fetoprotein test. She says the blood-drawing didn't hurt, but you should've heard her take the bandage off later. The noise was akin to "Ow...ow...ow...owowowowowOWOWOW!" It was pretty funny. She didn't care though, because the doc did an ultrasound to try and guess my gender and she saw... my feet. She was very excited by my feet, and I plan to show her them often in the future. Perhaps I can get myself out of some tight spots--"Did you just smear pureed yams all over the fridge door? Well did you? What? Awwwwww! FEET!" Alpha-fetoprotein was negative--duh. I could've told you *that*. So no intrusive amniocentesis, which is great because I move around alot and the idea of a big sharp needle working its way in here scares the crap out of me. Anyway. Host and The Other Voice took a tour of the hospital, and have signed us up for all kinds of classes, including the required ones for the Birthing Center. Yeah--the designated natural childbirth area. Heh. Somehow, I think if she is this relieved over not having to get an amnio, she's not going to do too well without an epidural. But, hey. Nobody's asking *my* opinion. So...news of the week... I am absolutely chromosomally PERFECT in practically every way (except for the mutant genes that allow me to fly and shoot laser beams out of my eyes), I am developing fat under my skin which will keep me warm eventually (once I am forced out of the indoor pool), and I am undergoing some rapid growth. The consequence of this is that the Host is also undergoing some rapid growth and has just been informed that she now actually looks pregnant on the outside. She keeps smearing this oil on her belly to keep away stretch marks (yeah... we'll see if THAT works), but it smells like chocolate so I'm not complaining. Oh... and I think the Other Voice has started talking directly to me. That must look really frickin' strange to passers-by. Current Mood: amused (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
4:51 pm	Are there no end to these intrusions?!?!!? The host went for an appointment today and the midwife couldn't get my heartbeat on the Doppler, so they trundled into the ultrasound room and peeked in. Unfortunately, they caught me getting down with my bad self and laughed and took a picture. I will have you know that I was breakdancing. Not "flailing around, rolling, and pushing off the uterine wall with my head and then waving my arms and kicking both my feet." It only would look that way to someone who is unconcernedly ignorant of modern dance. What I was engaged in is an art form with a lineage back to the dawn of time, an indulgence of the terpsichorean muse, and expression of grace, style, skill, and the beauty of the human body. It is neither funny nor cute. And I am not a spaz, dammit. Current Mood: working (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 24th, 2004
10:19 am	And these people are.... REALLY? I have to LIVE WITH THEM? Got my privacy invaded again by some sonographer named Jeanette. She kept waking me up by poking my house and making everything jiggle. It freaked me out a little, but my host kept laughing, so I figured it was just some sort of ritual humiliation that they had planned. Eventually, I gave them all the finger, but all Jeanette said "Look! It's moving its little hand!" and my Host and the other Voice just went "Awwwwww! It's waving!," and then the morons WAVED BACK. And not even at me, either, they WAVED AT THE MONITOR. Like I could see them through the screen. Completely humiliating. I insult them and they not only think it's cute, but they demonstrate their idiocy by waving at a television. And I have to live with these people. Will I come out there and find that they are wearing tinfoil hats and worrying that the people in sitcoms are spying on them? These are the same people who, when presented with a grainy image of the hemispheres of my cerebellum, exclaimed "Yay! Our baby has a brain!" Wait, they're worried whether I have a brain? ( In any case, here are some of the new mugshots ) Current Mood: surprised (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 21st, 2004
1:36 pm	My studio may be a one-bedroom by the end of next month. The host is annoyed because she went on an unsuccessful maternity pants-gathering expedition yesterday. Apparently, Old Navy jeans are designed for people with hips and no knees. I am not quite sure what that means. After that, she went to a place called Macy's and found that their maternity section was not only tiny, but listed under a euphemism in the store index ("A Pea in the Pod") so it was especially hard to find. I tried to encourage her to visit the Ben and Jerry's on the 4th floor while she was traipsing around looking for pants in all the wrong places, but no luck. Sometimes, she has extraordinary willpower. Eventually, she found the maternity section in the corner of the 3rd floor, located on a dead end (presumably to afford the baby-bearing freaks a secluded habitat where their freakishness will not be gawked at by passers-by) filled with large soft-focus photographs of women breastfeeding infants. The host was muttering over and over to herself and I overheard something of the nature of "What kind of #$*^#*&$^ing people charge $175 for jeans that you are only going to wear for six months?!?!?!" I am not entirely sure what this means, except I think my lease has an expiration date on it of which I wasn't previously aware. Another gem of unexplainable monologue: "$90 for a maternity shirt made entirely out of double-ply tissue paper?" I don't understand a word of it, but there is something somewhat musical about her deranged ranting. She also said something about "mouth on that kid like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog" which also makes very little sense. Could she be reading my blog? I did manage to get the host to zip into a Wendy's afterward for a Frosty. Mmm... chocolate. Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 7th, 2004
11:57 pm	You may look the same from the outside, but we are remodeling within... The host just noticed today that her intestines have been arranged into a completely different configuration than they used to be. I have rerouted her large intestine up under the left side of her ribcage and then back so that having excessive gas makes her pinchy under her left boob and then ricochets back to bump her in the kidney and cause a back spasm before sliding obliquely down her right side. Heh. Somehow, I suspect I'll be getting prunes for dessert. Current Mood: devious (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 6th, 2004
9:22 pm	Do you understand the words that I'm tapping out with my arm bud? My host is further alarmed by the sudden appearance and disappearance of a few small spots of blood during a routine wipe of her girl parts. I am poking her repeatedly in the same spot in an effort to whirl her into a tornado of frightened confusion, so she'll lie down and have a nap already. I am actually tapping out "Brush your teeth 'cause your breath stinks" in Morse Code, but I think she's too keyed up to notice. Either that or she doesn't know Morse Code, in which case she is a pathetic little Visigoth. Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
11:15 pm	The prodding continues... So, my host isn't satisfied with finally finding out her blood type (A+... and she didn't even study!) and finding out that she is immune to rubella. We're going for an early detection test at some ultrasound center in two weeks. I think the host is excited that she might get more pictures. I am tired and therefore resigned to the intermittent lack of privacy. Looks like the doc has changed my arrival date by a day too. Now I am supposed to show up on the 10th of May. I might come on the 9th though, just as a surprise. I haven't decided yet. Spent the weekend with the host and her friends camping somewhere called Delaware. It was pretty cool, I guess. The host seemed to really enjoy it and spent a fair amount of time lying on the ground and getting really smelly. There were two big people and one small person there, and one of the big people was also a host and had incriminating photos of her tadpole which she passed over to my host to coo at. The small person, I am happy to report, bit one of the big people at one point and I long for the day that I can do the same to my host. You know, I appear blase about these early detection tests, but I am a little nervous. I think my host may be also. They don't seem to want to announce my presence to anyone yet, until they know the results. What am I saying? I can't possibly be defective. I'd know! Wouldn't I know? Current Mood: nervous (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 30th, 2004
12:16 pm	And to further ruin my fun... That freakin' obstetrician not only took naked pictures of me, but then she told my host what to take to stop the constant nausea that I delight in causing. Even worse, it seems to be working. Shit, piss, and corruption!!! What the fuck am I supposed to do now to entertain myself? It's not like I can really do crosswords in here! There isn't even a fucking magazine! Screw this, I'm having a nap. If I am still this angry when I wake up, there will be cramps. Mark my words. Current Mood: enraged (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
12:08 pm	So they got my picture... And cooed over it, and showed the receptionist who also cooed over it. Damn. I was hoping that they would be amazed or enthralled for a little while longer, rather than switching immediately to "Awwwwww!" It does not bode well, I tell you. Besides, they could hvae thought up a better word to describe me than "cute." Perhaps "mysterious." Or "Uncanny Miracle of Life," cliche as that is. "Grainy and alienlike like a faked Area 51 photo," even. But "cute"? Feh. Anyway, here's my mugshot. I don't think those yokels, for all their cloying excitement, can even tell my head from my ass yet. Current Mood: annoyed (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
5:15 pm	In da hizzouse! Heh. I've only been around for 5-7 weeks and already I have a livejournal. That would be 5 weeks if you count from alleged conception, and seven if you count from my host's last period. Whatever. I hear that my privacy will be invaded next week so that the cretins can gawk at my magnificence, so I guess they will pick an age for me then and stick by it. Who cares, anyway? I have much more important things to do, like watch my cells divide (I have eyes now, apparently) and make my host nauseous. The best is when I make her simultaneously hungry and nauseous. That is like fucking fine art, man. Current Mood: accomplished (Comment on this)